This year, I have faced more forms of rejection and loss than I've ever had in such a small amount of time. From last August losing my Nana, to being dumped that September; from being rejected from a major, to basically losing a job... I've been through hell and back this year. To top it off, let's add getting broken up with... again.
To say the least, much of this has piled up and taken its toll on me. Much of me wants to just say screw it all and delve into depression again; to just shut down and never let anyone in again.
You know, I believe in God but I'm not very good at being a 'religious' person. Spiritual, yes, but in practice I'm not good at going to church every week and reading the bible as much as I should.
However, I am inspired by the story of Job. In the bible, Job is a man, and one of God's most faithful servants. So faithful, that Satan challenged God to take away all of the things that Job found valuable in his life, to prove a testament that Job loved and served God purely because that's what he wanted, not because of what he had.
Now, I'm not as steadfast as Job. Nowhere near it. But this story reminds me that I have so much more to look forward to in my life. I am young, and perhaps it's God's plan that I have gone through so much in my life, not just this year, so that I can be so much stronger as a person.
Recently I've been thinking more about my future. But it hasn't been as conscious as it sounds, more like passive thoughts that pop in and out of my head as epiphanies and revelations.
Most recently, I've realized what I think I want to do... Actually, I think what I'm meant to do. Once I get into Psych, I want to go into counseling. I want to love on people who don't feel loved and let them know that things have purpose and that they are important.
I feel good when others feel good. I'm more than a people pleaser, I depend on their positive energies for my gratification and some of my happiness relies on the happiness of those around me.
I believe that I've gone through so much in my young life in order to relate with those who are struggle with depression, or affected by drug abuse-- you name it.
It's the people who truly understand that want to help others,
and I want to help, too.
In the end of the book of Job, God gives him twice what he had. I'd like to think that I'm facing this rejection because perhaps my future will be twice as good on another path.
I just need to remember to be grateful. I have amazing family and framily who support me throughout any trial and tribulation. There are people I've encountered who have heard me out when I wanted them to be strong for themselves. There are people who go out of their way to make sure I am okay, and spend hours just talking and ensuring that I know I am important.
I am special. I am loved. And I am so grateful for that.
Thank you, as always, for reading. It means a lot to me.
I do apologize for this wall of words, more pictures next time!